THE GRAND FINALAnd then there were 12. After 7 elimination rounds, 4 Black, 4 White and 4 Asian or Coloured contestants remain to contest the final round of the Miss SA pageant.
One of the reasons that the pageant currently doesn't attract the crowds that it should is that Sun City is just too damned far from Johannesburg. I am willing to bet my bottom dollar that if the pageant was staged at a venue such as The Dome, every seat in the house would be filled.
I also wish that the organisers would do away with the "dinner table" seating arrangement. The Miss SA pageant is a show and not a cabaret. The corporate fat-cats from the sponsoring companies that are seated at the tables generally don't give two hoots about the pageant and are more concerned with the free food and booze that their companies are forking out for. But back to the pageant.
The contestants will compete in swimsuit, evening gown and interview rounds. The competition part of the show will account for the first 30 minutes. That is more than enough time to evaluate the 12 contestants. Once the competition portion of the program has been completed, the phone lines will open and viewer voting will begin.
During the next hour the audience and viewers will be treated to the cream of South African entertainment. This portion of the show should follow the same format as the Royal Variety Concert with definite breaks between the acts. The next act will be introduced by a well-known personality or celebrity. The entertainment should not be a cacophony of random artists strolling on and off the stage as is currently the case.
After an hour of top-class entertainment, there will be a return to the business at hand: selecting the new Miss SA. In fact, 3 winners will be named: South Africa's representatives to Miss Universe, Miss World and Miss International. The 3 titles will be equal in status with identical prize packages being awarded to all 3 title-holders.
THE FINAL SIX
Once the nominal rankings based on the public vote have been added to the nominal rankings of the panel of judges, the Final 6 will be announced. Once again the Top 2 contestants from each sub-group will be called to the final round. By "forcing" the racial make-up during every stage of competition, the diverse nature of the South African society will be acknowledged, and no group will be over-looked or left out.
There will be no further judging or Q & A since a potential winner should not be penalised for possibly "fluffing" a final question. Once the Final 6 have been called, the hosts will immediately move on to the announcement of the winners.
THE WINNERS
The second-placed contestant in each sub-group will be named as a runner-up. Unlike previous rounds, the 3 second-tier finalists should be called in reverse order in which they finish on the leader board. Whilst they will officially be named as 3rd, 2nd and 1st runner-up, the organisers should assign each a title so that she can represent South Africa at one of the host of secondary international pageants that are staged every year.
Whilst the top-ranked contestant in the Final 3 should, in theory be named Miss SA Universe, the organisers could, at this point, take into consideration that the Miss World pageant favours a contestant "of colour" over a "white" contestant to represent a country from the African continent, and that the Japanese-run Miss International pageant traditionally does not favour contestants "of colour" at all, and assign the top titles accordingly.
SUMMARY
Ok! I know that the geriatric Bouzouki Boy and the megalomaniac pint-sized Pasta Princess would rather eat glass than relinquish control of the pageant, but this format is an idea that should be considered. Not only will the panel of judges have a say in who wins the main titles, but the public will be involved and no-one can complain since the South African public has helped decide who will represent the country. As I have said before, Venezuela and India, inter alia, employ a similar format and their track record at international pageants is nothing to be scoffed at.
And then I woke up and it was all a dream.